The Long Walk Home

It's only short, so i guess it's like a short story thing, not like a really detailed novel ^.^

I walked down the long road, dust kicked up under my feet. The path led through a forest, well walked, shady and quiet. Pin pricks of light shone through gaps in the canopy, making tiny pillars of light everywhere. I brushed some hair from my eyes, taking of my jacket. The summer heat had been getting at me all day. I slung the black tailcoat over my shoulder, burshing dirt of my red shirt and tie that had came from the dust cloud that followed me like some kind of spirit, crawling around my feet. My head was swimming with thoughts, walking in a daydream.

It was suddenly broken as i heard HIM, Wings of a butterfly start playing, the intro ringng through the trees. I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I slipped it out, spinning it the right way round, watching it flash for a second.

'One new message.' I unlocked the phone with the two button code and opened it.

'I meant it. B XxX.'

I stopped. The words were all i could see. I closed the message and locked the phone,slipping it back into my pocket. She meant it.

The path seemed to stretch on forever into the horizon. Time to think. I started to walk again and my dust devil started follwoing, curling around my feet, following like a lost puppy. Where was it following me? Back to a house. Back to a house that held the same opportunities for me that this town did. Nothing.

I checked the time. It was already almost seven. I had left at half nine. A day with her, it had felt like a lifetime. I winced. And now i had to go back. Back to my personal hell hole. I felt is phone vibrating, and Wings of a butterfly kicked off again. I unlocked it and opened the message.

'If yur not bac soon therell b no home 4 u to come home 2.' My mother. I stopped in my tracks. I clicked reply.

'It was never a home to begin with.' I sent it. Bring it on. My dust devil spun slolwy, waiting for me to move. I turned on my heel. They were right. If i missed this chance, there'd be no home for me to go to. Home is a place where you belong and feel safe. I'd walked away from her at the station. I won't let her slip away. I started to walk. The devil trailed behind me, foating into the air, dancing. I took out a pack of cigarettes from my jean pocket, pulling one out. I lit it with the lighter in the packet, the smoke going to play with the devil. They entwined around each other, curling through the other until the were almost one. I looked at the wallpaper of my phone. Two hands holding, entiwned like the smoke and dust. I smiled. The devil and theaddiction. Me and her.

'Bring it on,' i whispered. 'Bring it on.'

Comments & reviews · 3
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I liked it alot. It did a really good job of keeping my attention and made me think about what may happen nexted. There are a few spelling mistakes like burshed its brushed. Just to tell you I am really bad at spelling myself and I think the meaning in the writing is what counts not really the grammer.
Keep it up and I can't wait to see more of your work!

Ah! My eyes!

Hehe... You need to reformat this just a bit. Put an extra space (by hitting "enter") between each new paragraph. It just makes it so much easier to read. Also, I agree with TN above me that you really need to go through and check your capitalization.

I liked your writing though. So where exactly is this kid coming from? He sounds like he's formally dressed up. Where was he? How old is he? At first I thought teenager, then grown man, then teen again. Elaborate a little bit on your story and give us a bit more information to flesh it out. This could really turn into something great, since it is already good.

Keep it up!

~GryphonFledgling

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TNCowgirl
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Capatilize 'I's' and in dialog it is " not '.

Other then that it was ok.

Oh and:

Her and I. not Me and Her.

The devil and the addiction. Not The devil and theaddiction.

Spellcheck and grammer check your work.


TNC



Parentheses I'm walking back home now though so( Ellipsis Ellipsis ellipsis
— chrysanthemumcentury